... and they lived happily ever after, I guess?

Finally! I have been waiting for this day to come, the day when I am ready to write down my own fairy tale. I am ready to write it down because it has already came to an end—a fairy tale with a not so happy ending. I am happy and dejected at the same time. Happy because I already can tell the world how lucky I was with him and sad because my love story already came to a conclusion. The two lovely years of my life with him cannot be written in a hundred pages book or record on an 8GB memory card. In the short span of time with him, my life changed and made me a better person.

We met almost four years ago when he approached me and asked for my number but we never dated. We became “textmates” but little did I know may girlfriend pala siya so I lost interest. We stopped communicating for two years then BEYM! He messaged me in “Friendster” trying to befriend me pero ayoko e! haha. He was trying hard to get my number but I just don’t feel like giving in that easy (hard to get effect ako no!). Mid-August when my cousin texted me telling me “ate! Yung crush ko na tennis player nagtetext sa akin at nililigawan ata ako!”. I was testing the “crush” if he is serious about the courting so I told my cousin “sabihin mo sa kanya crush ko siya”, then my cousin replied “ate, pwede ba daw hingiin number mo?”. I was laughing hysterically because I know from the start that that guy is a jerk. i didn’t hesitate anymore so I allowed my cousin to give him my number since I was just fresh from a break-up.

Again, we texted and I felt I really found a friend in him. We tried to stay connected since super daming kwento and topic pag magkatext kami. I found out that he ended his past relationship and realized he was already courting me (pero hindi ako pumayag)! Haha I was in Manila and he lived back in our Province in Cotabato. We talked all night ‘til dawn and even slept together through phone. First week of October when I decided to go back home for a vacation. I was so excited to see the guy whom I talked to the phone for quite some time and ta-daaaah!! We finally met.  My smile was just can’t be explain, starring at him was like starring at the man whom I will spend the rest of my life with. Our first kiss was incredible. The first time we held hands was sensational. And the first time we were together as a couple was the best thing that happened to my life.

We decided to keep the love even we lived 770miles away. I hold on to our relationship because I know we were head over heels in love with one another and there is nothing that could separate us even my family. I was sent away from home because my family knew about us, I was just 16 then and I came from a family where “Maria Clara” kind of a lady is a must for me and my sister. Despite of the distance our love stayed and grew stronger. We see each other through skype to celebrate our monthsaries and special occasions. We had no problem with the distance but sometimes we can’t get away with misunderstandings and small fights. What I like about him was he won’t let a day pass without fixing our problem and would cry if I would not concede. He doesn’t care about his pride all he wanted was to love me without expecting something in return. He always reminds me to hold on when we are about to fall apart and be strong when everyone’s against us.

What’s difficult about our relationship is we can’t even see each other when I go home because my family won’t let me. Every time I go home it would be a challenge to meet my boyfriend. I need to sneak out to see him but being with him is worth the scolding and pinches. The forbidden love continued and the punishing worsens as well. I was betrayed and hated by my family for disobeying them. My father is one of the most honorable high-ranking official in our Province and the way he disciplines me was like joining a military training. I was slapped in the face( super hard slap that i fell into the floor) and almost threw out of the house. The anger of my father aggravate, he even pointed a gun to my boyfriend and nearly punched him in the face. But guess what? Despite of what happened, I didn’t leave my boyfriend. I was that in love, I would choose him over anybody else. We didn’t even think of breaking up. GANUN NAMIN KAMAHAL ANG ISA’T-ISA.

We see each other every 5 months and since I wasn’t allowed to go to Cotabato he was the one to come over and visit me here in Manila. We spent three to four days together and that would be enough for us. No complains. And that’s what I love about Speed and Amena. We know our problem would not last; it is just a hard examination for the two of us to test our love for each other, after these trials everything would go the way we want it to be. Happy and together. He was the best friend, boyfriend and brother anyone wants to have and I am very lucky to have him. Yes, I am selfish! I don’t want any girls touch him or even go near him! My boyfriend on the other hand does the same thing to me, protect me and love me unconditionally. He doesn’t want me to be with other guys and hang out with my friends, he wants me to stay at home and talk to him over the phone. He spoils me like her baby sister, gave me everything I want and would do anything even walk in the middle of the night just to see me and talk to me. The process went over and over again for the past year.

May of 2011, finally we were together now. He moved here in Manila to study and I transferred condo near his condo para mabawi ko yung 1 year and a half na wala ako sa tabi niya. Our first months here in Manila together were the greatest. We were inseparable! Talagang sabik kaming makita ang isat-isa. Our friends would always tell us “kayong dalawa talaga sure ako kayo na magkakatuluyan ilang oras pa lang kayong nawala namimiss nyo na agad ang isa’t-isa”. With him means no “zzzzz” moment. Masaya ako araw-araw na kasama ko siya, malayo man kami o magkasama alam kong mahal namin ang isa’t-isa. We never let a day pass without saying “I love you” even when we are fighting. We were the kind that would update each other about his day and happenings. Pag hindi nkapag-text ang isa, mag-aaway na agad kaya kailangan talga updated. We were so obsessed with each other and aminado kami doon. We had a lot of quirks and inside jokes that would not fail to make ourselves laugh. Celebrating our 2nd anniversary together was the sweetest thing. He is the kind of guy that would not be afraid to show his affection infront of the public. He would sometimes shout how much he loves me in the mall, hug me out of the blue, kiss me in the forehead and my favorite of all is when I piggyback ride him. He would text me sweet messages, tell me I’m beautiful and would tease me every time I do my favorite dance moves. On my 18th birthday, our dream came true. My family accepted him and we don’t need to sneak out just to see each other at all. The feeling of walking around without the worry is so wonderful. Eating with my family and him in our house was a picture perfect memory. That was the best birthday gift I have ever received. HE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR!

It has been six months since he moved here and in those six months everything seems to change between us. He changed or I did. I don’t know. Sometimes I would think his love for me is starting to fade, the boy I met 2 years ago is far different from the guy I am with now. He’s not that sweet anymore, he even can last a day without texting me even for a week and that really saddens me. I did my best to take back what we have lost, the sweetness we had the first time we met. For me this is normal for a guy who is still starting to grow up and trying to find himself. He just turned 17 and I think he wants to be free, free from the orders and rules made by his girlfriend. Baka nakakasakal na ako, pero sa kanya ko naman natutunan yun e, yung mga bawala mag party, bawal lumabas kasma mga kaibigang lalaki/babae, mga ganung bagay pero hindi pumasok sa isip ko na iiwan ko siya sa sobrang higpit nya sa akin. Since the first day we spent together here in Manila our arguing became worse, we even came to the point that he would hurt me physically but I would never leave him, I would just cry my heart out and then forget what happened since he swore never to do it again and asked for forgiveness.

One day, my life seemed to stop when he told me “ayaw ko na”. My tears fell down as if it was like a cascade. I couldn’t believe what I have heard. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. He told me he found out about me dating other guys whenever we are not in good terms. I was crying and tried to find him to fix the problem. The time I saw him it was like I saw a different person, he was like a stranger to me. When our eyes met I couldn’t find the love he had for me for the past two years, the boy I knew and loved appears to be gone. We talked and I tried to revive the relationship but what sad about that day was… I WAS THE ONLY ONE FIGHTING. I knew form the moment he told me that he doesn’t love me anymore was the end of us. No expectations. I accepted the fact that he is telling the truth that he is tired and fell out of love. I chased him because I know this is the ending of my love story I have been trying to complete through out the years. I swallowed all my pride because I know I wouldn’t love other man the way I loved my boyfriend. Even how hurt I was when he was eluding me and pushing me away with all his force I still wanted to be with him. I NEED HIM, I LOVE HIM, AND HE’S EVERYTHING TO ME. The reason I have been holding on was because what I felt for him was true love and I don’t want to waste my two years with him but he was the one giving up so I let my fairy tale end the way my Prince Charming wants it to be. Ayoko na ipagsiksikan sarili ko sa taong ayaw naman sa akin dahil masakit… sobrang sakit. I don’t know what I did wrong to make him love me less and push me away but one thing I am sure of, one day, the man that God really intended for me will come to knock me off my feet and will love me more than the love that I had today.

I don’t know why I can’t cry hard enough, whatever how hard I try to cry but my tears just won’t fall. Siguro nga talaga yun na yung “one last cry ko” nung umiyak ako nung Friday habang kinakantahan ako ng “Kahit Kailan”. Living without him is like living without breathing but trying to stay alive. I have been with the best guy anyone could have. I don’t regret my two years with him at all. The greatest lesson I learned from this situation was…“Destiny is a jerk, it will make you believe that he is the right one for you but in reality it is just a decoy to distract you and make you strong so when you finally meet the right “HIM” you will be ready whatever pain and heartaches you’ll encounter”.

Ang hirap magdeny na naka-move on na ako kasi sa totoo lang mejo nanaginip pa ako. Sobrang nasaktan kasi talaga ako, masyado ko siyang minahal, hindi ko man lang inalam kung mahal niya ako. I know I’m stupid and naïve but I just loved and trying to be loved. One day I will wake up from this beautiful nightmare and would look back and laugh at this situation. I don’t regret being with him at all and thankful that a guy like him came into my life and helped me to be a better Amena Dawn.

I love him. I still love him the way I loved him 2 years ago. He is the best person I never had. I’m not even mad on the fact that he left me that way indeed I am thankful that day happened. We can’t tell the future, maybe he is really the one for me or I still need to wait for few more years for the right guy to arrive. Either way, LIFE GOES ON. 

What Happened in Baguio Will Never Ever Happen Again! :D

Do I need to unfold what happened to us in Baguio? Amidst all chaos and rah rah, I believe a lot of things did happen. The title says it all and frankly, for me, it was like hell.  Until now I can’t imagine that I did all those things, you know what I mean? Well you wouldn’t, except if you were a part of the “persecution.” Okay, I know it sounds like I’m overreacting but I know most of us who had been part of the EO feels the same way, right? (haha) 

Day zero—run, run, run, walk, walk, run and finally… run again??? “This is terrible, my mom would never let me do this and if she would, she would at least give me water and offer to carry my heavy backpack!!!” these are just some of words that came screaming off my mind while our group was running along EDSA. Basically, what we did all day long was nothing… nothing really changed from the beginning till the day ends. But it was tiring! Running the whole day with an empty stomach? That’s insane!

And then second day came and and I was kind of expecting the same thing, same tiring routine, same faces--but wait! “Why on earth are we going to the market and sell the products we bought from the market… right beside the market?” this question was boggling my mind the whole afternoon, it’s kind of a convoluted problem but get the logic? But as luck as would have it, we reached our quota which was to sell 20 units for two hours. Our shyness perished because of what we did in a public place called Burnham Park where some of us entertained people just to bring in money and the rest sold some drinks around the city. Who would have thought that teenagers who were raised and born with a silver spoon in their mouths like the most of us would degrade ourselves into doing all those dancing, singing, selling and other shameful things right in the middle a mobbed park in Bagiuo? (Its no other than the white group!) We also had to cook what we eat and we hadtuyo, sinigang na sitaw, and finally for our last dinner—salad and buffalo wings! Delicioso, eh? I would say our last stay in Baguio was the best! Since we were deprived from good food, money, cigarette and phone for two days, finally our professors gave it back to us. At that time I felt that it was greatest thing in life. The smokers looked like they won a war against ten countries. Students whose phones were used to be glued in their hands for almost forever (I guess I’m one of them) looked giddy and called people right away. And the greatest feeling of all is when we got all our cash! “Time-to-spend-all-my-money” look was all I can see in everyone’s faces. What satisfaction can we get any more than that?

But looking back I would say that each challenge was used to prepare us for the real world of business by increasing our awareness - skills - resilience. It taught us that you should go out of your comfort zone in order to accomplish something in this world. What happened in Baguio surely caught us all off-guard and none of us expected the things that came facing us so it took us right out of our comfort zones. But consequently, it also pushed ourselves to go further, and try things we never in our life thought of doing. Right after EO I almost felt like I can do anything. What happened in Baguio will surely stay in Baguio.